This week I'm handing out WAA to one of my all-time most hated Xbox 360 games - Blitz: The League. I had some (decidedly uncharitable) comments about Blitz in a prior mini-review, but let me reiterate what a turd of a game this is. It has terrible controls, it's riddled with glitches, and it features some of the dumbest AI I've ever encountered. But hey, at least it's built on a solid foundation of toilet humor and shitty graphics.
Still, can it at least appeal to Achievement fans? Read on to find out! (hint: NO)
The "One With Combat"Award: “Sticky Fingers”
For this one, you need to gain 200 receiving yards in a game with one of your players. If you play through season mode, I guarantee you'll get this because Blitz is all about the passing game. Running is not an effective strategy, particularly once you join the higher Divisions. Just continue to air it out when you have possession and this award is yours.
The "Mile High Club" Award: “Bling Bling”
I can't believe this one is only worth 25 points. To get this award, you have to buy every piece of bonus equipment in the game. To do that, you first need to unlock all the bonus gear by completing every secondary challenge throughout the campaign (if you miss a single one, forget it) and then you need to somehow accumulate over 3 million in cash just to afford it all. For 25 points? It's definitely not worth it.
The "Seriously..." Award: "Pwnage"
Winning 25 online games doesn't sound that bad, right? Well let me set you straight. First of all, this game is ancient and terrible, so nobody plays it online. Also the online servers are so unstable that you'll be dropped before completing a game unless your opponent is very close by...possibly even in the same household. Unfortunately, asking someone with whom you live to play Blitz just so you can get some Achievements is the moral equivalent of domestic abuse, so I wouldn't advise it.
The "Little Rocket Man" Award: "Tables Turn"
This one is a spoiler but it's actually kind of clever, so I'll use it anyway. Once you hit Division One (the toughest league), a Lawrence Taylor look-alike named Quentin Sands will purposely injure your star player in the first game of the season, forcing you to go without him for much of the year. In the championship game, you will face off against Quentin's team. To get this Achievement, you have to use your rookie to injure Sands and get your revenge.
The Scientist Gone Gamer Award: "Blind"Blitz uses negative Achievements - i.e. awards for doing something wrong. They're like badges of shame, though I just find them to be annoying. All that said, Blitz does feature some interesting icons, particularly for the negative awards. Throw five or more interceptions in a game and you can pick up this little gem.
Achievement Set Rating - 5
This set covers a wide variety of goals, plus features above average icons and Achievement titles. However, there's a bunch of negative awards and the set is a serious grind. Throw in the awards that focus on the broken online play and I can't call this anything better than an average list.
Achievement Difficulty Rating - 9
Some of the Achievements are difficult, but it's the sheer time commitment that clinches this score. Win a game with every team? Play through season mode three times? Win a bunch of online games while battling their glitchy servers? I don't know how anyone could stomach that much Blitz.
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