Mini-reviews: Movie Edition

I'm currently playing through Dragon Age and Red Faction, but that hasn't stopped me from filling in with some throw-away titles on the side. Here are a few games that share a running theme: crappy movie tie-ins

Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian

Based on the (very) surprisingly popular Ben Stiller films, this game is hard to describe. Much like Hannah Montana, the striking aspect of the title is that there's no "game" here. It's ostensibly a platformer, but there isn't much in the way of actual platforming (thankfully so, given the sloppy camera and controls). Mostly it's just a lot of wandering around mostly empty environments looking for poorly hidden items. Oh, and there are some brutally unfunny cutscenes to waste a little time...kudos to the designers for allowing you to skip these.

There is a flying section with Amelia Earhart that offered moderate amusement, and I will give the game credit that they got Ben Stiller to do the voicework (though the rest of the vocals are terrible). Movie tie-in games are often below average, but this particular title is scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Cars: Mater-National

Did you know there are actually THREE Xbox games based on the Pixar film Cars? Strange but true, I assure you. I found Cars to be an odd film. It's essentially Doc Hollywood with anthropomorphic animated cars. Who is this film for? I can't see kids caring about how small western towns decayed after freeways became popular. But the zany antics of the characters probably wouldn't entertain a lot of adults either. I'm not trying to slag the film, as it was well made. I'm just not sure what audience they were trying to reach.

In any case, I'm not here to be a film critic. The nice thing about Cars (as opposed to Night at the Museum) is that there's a style of game that's built into the movie's concept - car racing (duh). The game features races between various characters from the film, all done in environments befitting the dusty American southwest. It's a solid game graphically, and they were able to get some of the original actors to do voicework (including the thoroughly awesome Tony Shaloub).

However, the big fly in the ointment here is that the 360 is JAM-PACKED with quality racing titles. Seriously, people refer to it as the FPS console, but the number of excellent racing games seems to exceed any other genre. And while Cars: Mater-National is okay compared to other kids games, it pales in comparison to Forza, Dirt, Burnout, and a plethora of other titles. Cars tries to set itself apart with mini-games to complement the racing, but unfortunately the mini-games range from tedious to infuriating (the Fuel Frenzy games excepted...that was actually an entertaining diversion). The worst offender by far is the monster car racing, which is like regular racing only with an abysmal control scheme that was equal parts confusing and unresponsive. Children's games should not push me to controller-snapping fury but Cars did its level best at times.

Overall, Cars: Mater-National is only appropriate for young children. Even older kids would almost certainly prefer a more focused racing title.

Surf's Up

I didn't see this movie, but I get the gist from the game. It's penguins that surf. Simple enough, right?

But here's a shocker - I actually enjoyed the game. Seriously. It plays a bit like Tony Hawk - your character surf's along a predetermined course. Your job is to navigate the course while doing tricks off the wave, grabbing power ups and tiki statues, steering through gates, and grinding along ramps and rock formations. The game isn't overly difficult, but the gameplay and control scheme are instantly accessible and there's enough variety of moves and environments to keep it fun over the course of the relatively short career mode.

As you play, you unlock new characters (with their own unique abilities and move-sets) and surfboards. There's also a loose story about dethroning a champion surfing penguin, but it's not fleshed out terribly well. Still, the game definitely includes some laughs (much more so than Night at the Museum)...enough that I didn't skip the cutscenes.

Surf's Up is a pretty short game, and that's probably for the best as it would wear out its welcome quickly. I don't know that it's worth a purchase, but a rental might be worth your time.

Mini-reviews: Arcade edition

Mini-reviews represent the perfect format for Arcade titles, which don't stand up well to the nit-picking I do for retail games. Since Arcade games are only priced between five and fifteen dollars, it's more about value than depth. So here are three Arcade titles that I've finished recently:

A Kingdom For Keflings
In A Kingdom for Keflings, you play as your Xbox Live avatar (or a generic one if you don't have an Avatar) who has been tasked with assisting a group of tiny people (Keflings) in constructing a kingdom. You start the game with just a couple small structures and four Kefling helpers, but over time you can build castles, cathedrals, and armies of Kefling minions.

The mechanics of KfK couldn't be simpler. Need some wood to build a house? Grab a Kefling and set him or her down next to a forest. He'll make like a lumberjack and you'll have the lumber you need. Once you assign a Kefling to a job they'll keep doing it until you tell them to stop, so there's no need to micromange each of your followers at all times.

What makes KfK so enjoyable is that, unlike a lot of video games, it's a relaxing game that you can play at your own pace. It's a bit like SimCity, except without all the spoiled citizens bitching about their petty problems the whole time. There's no real conflict in KfK, so it's just a matter of building your kingdom as you see fit. Some people would be bored with the experience, but I found it refreshing.

Other positives include:
- A real artistic element...you can arrange your buildings and color them as you choose.
- Multiplayer options to co-build a city with up to four people at once.
- A really nice (if slightly repetitive) acoustic folk guitar soundtrack

Duke Nukem 3D
This is a remake of the classic PC title. It's essentially a spot on port, which like most classic games is both a good and a bad thing. On the one hand, there's a reason this game is remembered fondly in the annals of FPS titles. The action is fast and furious. Duke has access to a nice arsenal of weapons that each serve a distinct purpose. And of course, they couldn't rely on fancy graphics back then, so the designers went with a sardonic sense of humor instead. If you're a fan of South Park and aren't easily offended, you'll likely get a kick out of Duke Nukem.

(As an aside, kudos to the designers for leaving everything intact in the 360 version. I would imagine that they may have been under a bit of pressure to tone things down for a console release, but the game was ported unscathed.)

As for the negative, it's the same as all classic games - this title looks and sounds really dated. Now I'm a gameplay over graphics type myself, but do realize going in that the Duke's game doesn't hold up well compared to modern standards. The aliens make these grating metallic shrieks that probably seemed a lot cooler on a sound card from the '90s.

However, if you can get past the graphics and sound, there's a lot of solid gameplay to be found in Duke Nukem 3D at a fraction the cost of a retail game. And as a huge bonus, the 360 version features a rewind feature so if you die, you can try again from any point within the level (see screenshot).

Penny Arcade: Episode 2

I've already reviewed the first episode of Penny Arcade. I finally got around to playing the second one, and all my comments from the first are appropriate again. The game features an interesting RPG battle system with real-time elements, a varied cast of entertaining characters, and an art style that mimics the comic beautifully. I was excited to continue the story and definitely wasn't disappointed...there's equal measure of humor and plot to keep the player engaged throughout the relatively short adventure.

That's why I was quite disappointed to learn that this will likely be the last Penny Arcade game (at least in this series). Apparently the second episode didn't sell well, and the design team that had been making them picked up a new property on which they wanted to focus. Mike and Jerry (the creators of Penny Arcade) decided to pull the plug rather than becoming the redheaded stepchildren of that team. I understand their decision, but it's disappointing to discover that I won't be able to find out how the story finishes (there are several cliffhangers that will now be unresolved). Supposedly they might finish it in comic form, though I'm not sure that will be quite the same. Perhaps later this week I'll do a post about episodic gaming while this is fresh in my mind.

Despite the fact that the story will never be complete, I still recommend Penny Arcade: Episode 2 to fans of the series (but play Episode 1 first!). The game is sufficiently self-contained that it's still an enjoyable experience.

It occurs to me that these reviews are a lot more positive than my last set of mini-reviews. Maybe I should stick to arcade titles rather than renting low budget retail games that seem to disappoint me so often...

Time for some mini-reviews!

My gaming pattern is a bit like a dinner table set for a big meal. I have one or two long-term titles that I'm working through to serve as the main dishes. But I also usually have a few side dishes to munch on as well, represented by shorter retail games or Live Arcade titles. I rarely give these "side dishes" as much mention on the blog, because they come and go pretty quickly (sometimes just in the span of a weekend). Still, it's probably worthwhile to mention some of the smaller games I've played through just so people can get a feel for what's out there.

In that spirit, here are three retail games that I've knocked out in the last couple weeks. I'll have more to say about the main courses (Dante's Inferno and Viking: Battle for Asgard) soon.

Disney's Up
Yes, this game is based on the Pixar film of the same title. I didn't see the movie, but I gathered most of the (very basic) plot from the game. Let's just say that I wasn't exactly inspired to rush out and get my hands on a copy of the DVD. Anyway, Up is a pretty crappy game for all the typical reasons that movie licensed games usually fail.

First of all, it's based on a movie with a lot more spectacle than action, so the designers didn't have a lot on which to base the gameplay. Think of it like this: if you're making a game based on the next Terminator movie, then even if the film stinks the game could be great because they can just make it about blasting Terminators. On the flip side, Shawshank Redemption might be a great movie but there isn't enough action to carry a video game.

So what you get with Up is an uninspired and highly repetitive platformer with very little action. Plus it's crazy short. And they use the whole "aimed at kids" excuse to make it stupidly easy. This one is not even worth a rental, unless you're in it for the easy Achievement points.

LOST: Via Domus
From one crappy licensed game to another, this title is based on the inexplicably popular Lost franchise. I'm not a fan of the show...four episodes was sufficient to recognize that it's one of those programs where the writers think "throw a bunch of random shit into the script and then let the fans guess what it all means" is the moral equivalent of being clever.

And no surprises, the game is basically the same thing. You play as a crash survivor who has amnesia (what a fresh, original concept) and must piece together his own backstory as he tries to cope with challenges on the island. Along the way you'll get to interact with all your favorite characters, including Kate, Hurley, Locke, and Jack (don't forget to remind him that HE HAS CANCER).














Again, this is a show that's about character-driven tension (and random shit), not really about action. Thus, the game is mostly a lot of walking around the island taking pictures of stuff from the show. And be thankful that's the case, because the few action sequences are hideously designed so that they represent more of a chore than actual gameplay. Special mention goes to the section where the stupid smoke monster is stalking you through the woods so you have to jump into bamboo patches every few steps. Man did I enjoy that. But you know what's even better? Unskippable cutscenes that I have to watch over and over every damn time the game decides it'd be fun to insta-kill me.

Fortunately, Lost is mercifully short (well under 5 hours) and there's not one bit of replay value so you can have it in and out of your gaming rotation in a lazy afternoon.

Blitz: The League

Okay, I'm starting to realize why I never mention these side dish games - more often than not, they're awful. Blitz isn't a licensed game, but that doesn't stop it from being the worst of the trio. The basic premise is that Blitz is supposed to represent the seedy underbelly of professional football. It's like The Replacements mixed with Any Given Sunday, then directed by Quentin Tarantino. Players engage in brutal dirty hits, the cheerleaders look like strippers, and steroid use isn't just allowed but encouraged. Note in the picture that the trainer is so unperturbed about his "treatment" methods that he doesn't even mind being filmed for the Jumbotron in front of a packed stadium. Sheesh...

Now, I'm no prude, and I think that done properly the game could have been a lot of fun. You know, some tongue-in-cheek humor mixed with a hard-hitting football engine...that could have worked. But Blitz is a turd, plain and simple. The football engine is just terrible, the AI is completely brain dead, and the whole production is riddled with bugs and glitches. On top of that, the attempts at humor are so juvenile, I can't imagine anyone over the age of 14 enjoying this stuff. Frankly, it's repellent.

There are a number of football games available on the 360...Blitz is not worth a moment of anyone's time. That includes the Achievement fans out there, because it's even pretty brutal in that regard.

Ouch, that was painful. Hopefully I'll have some better games to mention for the next batch of mini-reviews!